Pity (before battle)
It's...
It's a thread.
Ryōshū wraps her fingers around the sword that pierced through the Pinky Nursefather.
The blade then unravels into a single thread in her hand.
Children can sense it, as if by instinct:
Who loves them, who despises them,
who means them harm, and who gives them care.
The Nursefathers raised me.
Ticket! *burp* Ever pour rice into a bowl of vodka?
Each in their own distinct way,
Darling, which story shall I read to you today?
Each unchanging and uncompromising,
Hey, Buddy! Just say the word if you've got your eye on something! Dad'll get the whole damn shelf for you.
Each with a different measure of affection,
Now, please take this lesson to your heart: Upon the rock of knowledge are beauty and strength built - your study of aesthetics begins now, Yoshihide, so you may one day create a gallery of your own.
Each with their own portion of care.
Don't you dare smile.
I suffer in such misery - it's only fair that you suffer too.
In spite of it all, they were my parents.
A tiny life jerks and twists in my hands.
It relies on me, it welcomes me - its eyes follow every movement I make.
It cannot survive on its own.
Without my care, its time will come to a premature end.
That feeling is called "pity."
Pity? What's that?
Remember that book we read yesterday? The snake swallows the frog...
... but wails loudly when it feels the frog thrashing in its throat.
Yeah.
The snake cries because it feels pity.
The snake pities the frog, knowing the pain the prey will suffer as it is devoured. It's grieving because the frog's life will be cut short.
Okay.
Do my other dads feel that way for me too?
No, I don't know if...
I don't think many of us are even capable of pity.
Because this... is the House of Spiders, darling.
And Spiders... hunt.
... Hunt.
I have to do it too, right?
With this sword.
Yes, when the time comes.
But it's weird.
Why am I not allowed to pull the sword out? It's always sheathed.
That, too - you'll know when the time comes.
Am I gonna get a magic beeper like yours someday, Dad?
The beeper tells you everything, right?
You won't be getting one, no.
... Okay. But I can still feel "pity." Only I can.
So may I please... keep Saru?
You may, but I don't recommend it.
Let something you cherish take root in your heart... and it will carve out a gaping hole far larger than itself when it's taken away.
…….
His words were always gentle, yet the subtle tone of detached observation betrayed that pretense.
But back then, I was exhausted from the endless barrage of biting remarks from the other Nursefathers...
... so I was drawn to his cryptic way of speaking. For me, at least, I thought there was a certain warmth in it...
A genuine intention to convey something to me.
... No.
"No?" Do you believe you can back out of this with a simple "no?"
I recall you bragging rather confidently that you had beaten that attitude out of her, Valencina. What happened?
Hah! Hello, the brat's practically cut from your cloth, you know.
Must've gotten that nasty bit from you.
C'mon, guys. The kid's right here, you know?
... Rien, give me that.
…….
Still don't know your way around Rien?
That crazy bitch won't even lift a finger unless you name exactly what you need.
... Give me Zenon's Tortoise Spiral.
Mm. Here you go.
…….
…!
Saru!!
You know how to unlock it, yes?
You will get the password once you return with the job done.
Delay, and Saru will die.
…….
Do you understand what it means to die?
What it means to cut deep enough to kill?
I know precisely how and where to stab to snuff out a life with a single thrust.
All thanks to the innumerable hours I've spent practicing on targets, dummies, manikins, and chunks of flesh.
Hrrk...!
Someone I'm not acquainted with. An orange suit.
What dreadful fashion sense.
The target was an employee of a sizable bank. And I didn't know anything beyond that. Didn't need to know.
By then, I came to understand what it means to die.
To die is to have it all end.
... The password. Now.
... Did you cut the target down?
It's only been... 2 hours.
... The password.
How did you get past the Fixers who were guarding the target?
Cut them all dead. Doesn't matter how.
…….
She was staring me down with a peculiar look in her eyes, and her mouth...
Her mouth opened with an equally inexplicable expression. Perhaps it was a laugh - or the opposite. I had no way of knowing it.
Saru was spared, as promised.
But every time she breathed, I could hear her wheeze and struggle for air...
... and her tail no longer wagged with delight when she saw me.
Yoshihide, I have prepared a little something to celebrate your birthday.
The name I have bestowed upon this sword... is "Beastbone Blade Saru."
An adorable size to perfectly fit the grip of your palms.
…….
One day, Yoshihide, I would like to have a child of my own... A child completed with my flesh and blood.
I eagerly await that moment with every passing day.
The sensation of the hilt on my palm was the kind of pure love that only he could impart.
Wasn't the first time I've felt something like that.
The whiff of booze clinging to her, and the bruises she left on my body.
The warm tone of the voice that never hesitated to read to me, even though the man always made it a point to shut a book before the ending.
The desire to see me walk only the comfortable path, which came with possessiveness so fierce that it was sated only by dooming into the pits of hell all those who got between him and that goal.
The passion to shape me into the only being in the world who understands him, by pouring into me every bit of artistic knowledge he possessed...
And the desolate screams of she who could not bear to meet my gaze - or have me meet hers.
These five threads twine to make a rope that binds me into who I am.
And the rope is laid along the road to -
Oh, this?
Sweetheart. This... is called a "spiral."
Once it is lodged inside the body, even the slightest of movements will make it burrow deeper into the flesh... forcing the victim to remain perfectly still.
It may not sting any worse than the prick of a thorn at first, but the more you try to yank it free, the further it will drill into the body.
But no matter how much it keeps digging in, it will never make it to the other side. The closer it gets to the end, the slower it becomes - it can never meet its endpoint.
You know what else shares that property?
"Doubt."
No, Dad.
It's freeze tag!
... What's... freeze tag?
So it's like a game where, when you're frozen, I tag you and say "Unfreeze!" Then you can start moving again!
I see.
Then I... I'll keep waiting until my darling daughter decides to unfreeze me.
I couldn't understand what he meant at the time.
The "Spiral" that pierced Saru was then used to pierce dozens more lives, and then dozens after that...
Until one day, a stake of doubt, shaped just like that Spiral, lodged itself in me as well.
Threads become knots, endlessly tangling and winding into a jumbled clew.
Look, Mommy! I made a spiderweb. But if you twist it like this...
Ta-da! It becomes a ladder. Cool, right?
Are you...
... bored?
Nuh-uh! I can totally play on my own!
.......
Don't you want to go to school?
... Whoa.
I wanna! I wanna!
Araya must've been around 8 years old back then.
When I saw the twinkle in those eyes, I suddenly craved the cigs I'd quit... and strangely enough, didn't miss them at all at the same time.
My stomach lurched, and I felt like I was falling into an endless pit.
I'd never once thought of wanting to go to school,
but I wonder - if someone had asked me the same question long ago, would I have been just as excited?
Look, Mommy!
It's the randoseru that's all the rage lately!
I know. I'm the one who bought it for you.
I can put textbooks in here. Pencil case goes here, my name tag goes here... and the lunchbox goes...
What would happen if she went to school?
Like any other 8-year-old, she'll begin by learning how to read and write... and before I even know it, she'll be all grown-up.
She's always loved music, so I'm sure her hands'll carry not a dagger, but a stylish, chic guitar case.
A grown-up...
Will she ever get to be one?
That's when my vision opened...
... and I could finally see it: we'd been caught in the middle of the spiderweb...
... all along.
Why did the Nursefathers let Araya into the House of Spiders without asking for anything in return in the first place?
When had that house ever been a place of such mercy, granting charity without exacting a price or a demand?
Class wrapped up without a hitch, y'know. Hwell, it wasn't so easy, was it? Bayonets, gunblades, all 'o them fancy doohicky call for some tricky timin'... Must've been mighty hard fer ya to keep up, Kiddo.
... It wasn't. Fuck off if we're done here.
Hot damn. Look at'cha, always givin' me the evil eye, y'sure do. One o' these days you'll end up stabbin' me 'fore yer done, I swear.
…….
Hey, Yoshihide. You've got talent. You best polish it up real good, y'hear?
Lessee'ere. Next up... well, hot diggity. All kinds o' folks showin' up to tutor ya today. Guess plenty o' fellers're lookin' forward to this.
That ol' Bloodfiend Elder from the Ring's comin' in person... and this feller over here, ain't got a clue who that is. Must be one o' them Pinkies.
Hah... Ain't that a hoot? How'd these devils all get assigned 'ere just months after that Finger Bow-Bell? Mighty sure them's the same ones that were busy raisin' hell out on the Outskirts Strife not long ago.
Hwell, can't deny they're the real deal. 'Least you'll learn things even them Nursefathers can't teach.
You gonna keep yapping? Fine, I'll leave.
Now now, what's the rush? I know ya still got time to spare.
By the way - that Relic o' yers... That sword, they say it's somethin' real special, ain't it? Heard tell that 'cept fer that Pinky snake Dihui Star, all them hotshots who tried unsheathin' it got ruined fer life.
Free that fancy blade from the scabbard 'n lemme see it go schwing... just one look, and I'll let ya swing this here Tiantui Star's Blade 'o mine a couple times. How 'bout it?
…….
You think I'll trust a word from you ever again?
…….
Hwell, butter my butt 'n call me a biscuit!
Ain't fallin' for it twice, huh. Figured you'd forgotten all them memories like ol' peanut shells.
…….
Hwell, that's the way the cookie crumbles, ain't it?
Just wanted to get a peek while we trained - didn't know the kiddo's mind would fly every which way.
You could've tried to come up with a better excuse than "I didn't know."
Looks like... we'll have to put a lock on that scabbard from now on so it only opens with the collective permission of all five Nursefathers.
…….
Ah, come to think of it... It's already been 3 years since you started coming here, hasn't it?
3 years? Been more like 5 -
Hah! Ain't you one smooth motherfucker? Nearly took that as you bein' kind and checkin' in on how I'm doin'. Listen, my poor ol' heart can't handle hearin' that beepin' no more.
Always gets me thinkin' maybe it's a Prescript tellin' ya to crack my head open like a watermelon.
Of course not. And even if I did want to split your head open like a watermelon... I'd need to take a chance for the right weapon to come out, or...
Yeah yeah, my bad fer even tryna quip with ya.
Dad...
Saru... Saru's wheezing... like the air's leaking... out of her...
I see you've regressed to that moment.
Don't worry. Saru...
Saru is resting peacefully in your hands.
Okay...
I don't want any part in whatever it is any of you "tutors" are scheming.
I'll never draw my sword just to satisfy that cheap curiosity of yours,
so give up, shut up, and...
Mommy! Guess what I learned at school today...!
Get inside.
Hwell now, who's this little tot?
H-hello! My name is Araya, and there's this letter I learned at school today, and -
I said get inside, Araya.
Awright, sugar. Ya run along and play now, hear?
Ookay...
Aw fiddlesticks, now that really hurts a man's heart. Coulda at least let the kid say hi to Uncle Lei Heng.
I told you to fuck off.
So that peanut's yer leash, huh.
What?
Figured as much - yer holdin' on tight to that kid.
Them Spider fellers sure are sharp as a tack.
Is this just more of your horseshit...
... or can you back it up?
... Ain't that a fine mouth you got talkin' to yer teacher.
Eh, what's it matter, anyway - I already kicked the bucket.
But them lessons I taught ya, those were real, y'hear?
…….
You still followin' that thread tied to ya?
Hang onto it tight like yer life depends on it, Kiddo. I ain't helpin' if ya lose yer way.
That's not it.
That's not how you shorten it!
W.I.?
What?
It means "What do you mean It's not?".
Nooo...
You're doing it wrong, Mommy!
Just follow after me.
Mommy, ILY so much!
…….
... You didn't get it, did you?
Nope.
Have some watermelon, Araya.
You're supposed to say HSWA! Hmm, that doesn't work.
Mmhmm. Anyway...
Let's try again later.
Across the faded screen, lights scatter and gather endlessly.
The kaleidoscopic light projected on the wall leaves me mesmerized - and my stomach begins to churn again.
It's pretty, right, Mommy?
Yeah.
M. thinks it's P.
Wrong again...!
Heh...
So that peanut's yer leash, huh.
I have to get out of here. And...
I need to get her out too.
Before the House of Spiders decides she's no longer necessary.
Dearest Yoshihide, that blade...
Must never be drawn on a whim.
Soon, I will forge another sword meant only for you... So you may keep it with you at all times.
Can't you draw the blade, Dad?
No, I cannot.
None among the Nursefathers can draw that blade... save for one.
On top of that... only you can wield it in all its proper might, Yoshihide.
The name of that sword is Arayashiki.
It's one of the rarest Relics in existence, a pinnacle of its kind.
It is a blade that cuts through all...
... and whatever it cuts can never be made whole again.
After that day I drew the sword without warning...
... it was decided that the blade could be unsheathed only with the unanimous permission of all five Nursefathers.
In return, however, it cuts your mind as well every time you use it.
The cuts are so precise and smooth that you won't even notice which memories have been severed away.
That's why we - well, the House of Spiders is going to decide when and where you may unsheathe that sword. And we will do so with absolute caution.
I had only used that sword fewer than 10 times - just enough to count on my fingers.
4 times before Araya came, and 5 times after.
It was just last week... We went out together and tried that new, weird snack for the first time!
…….
Ugh, why can't you remember?
You said they were too sweet but ate, like, 5 of them! I only got to eat 3!
Day after day, the list of memories I wouldn't trade for anything keeps growing, piling, overlapping...
And I realize time is running out.
The Nursefathers may pretend to not care about Araya.
But the spiral of doubt... is primed for the impaling,
biding its time for that precise moment when they decide that their fetter around my feet has served its purpose.
Araya.
What do you want to be... when you grow up?
Hmm... When I grow up, Mommy...
I wanna be...
I want to let Araya carry her own bag and grow up to become the person she wants to be.
I want Araya to break free from the House of Spiders so she may find her own path in life.
We have decided unanimously to commence the mission.
You must draw the sword.
The five knots tying the blade, each distinct in shape, loosen themselves one after another.
Aren't you going to ask me the questions today?
... What questions?
You always ask the same thing during these missions.
Will it ever end? Is there even an end? And if there is one...
... what will it look like?
Did I really say all that?
They say children start to talk less and grow distant from their parents when puberty hits.
Is it finally happening to you too?
Hah... Every time I use this sword, a part of me gets sliced away.
What makes you think my memories'll be fine?
…….
What, did that stupid pager beep you to shut up when I ask you difficult questions?
You've gotten a bit snappy, sweetie.
Imagine how hurtful it'd be if your daughter started talking like that to you someday.
Don't bring Araya into this.
Araya.
…….
Mommy... you always make scary faces when you take that sword...
Come here.
Wait in here for a bit.
Mommy?
It'll be...
It'll be quiet and dark, but... when you're in here, everything passes quickly.
Mommy... used to hide here all the time.
So stay in here and wait for me, Araya.
I promise I'll come back for you.
Mhm! I'll be fine. I'll be waiting for you here, Mommy!
And so, I followed each length of the rope that was bound to me.
Tell me. Why are you trying to leave?
Ha. You know what? Be like that. Keep mum and brood in silence all you want.
That brat you call your daughter... I'll find that little bundle of liability... and I'll split her in half.
My eye...! No!!!!!
Eyeball, cut.
Were ya mad at Daddy for something, Buddy...?
Aah! Please stop this vandalism, Yoshihide. For over 10 years, I have assembled this magnum opus, only for your pleasure...
S.T.F.U.
Sweetheart.
You've hurt me enough. I'm in a lot of pain.
Stop swinging that sword at me.
You've still got one more of us to go through, don't you?
…….
Staggering, I took another step to the last of my Nursefathers.
I cut out the tongue that lashed at me time and again,
And then...
... Canno- be f-ee -rom -ere... wi-hou-...
... wi-hou- -evering... -he spi-er's --read...
... No...
Guh...!
Araya...
It was supposed to be her head.
Perhaps it was out of some last dreg of pity still left in me that I didn't cut through her brain.
Or maybe, after swinging the blade for so long, I simply forgot that slicing the brain is the surest way to end a life.
With my own two hands, I ended the life of my parent.
A face like mine. A voice like mine. A sword style just like my own.
Will my fate come to resemble hers as well?
I drove the blade that cuts through all...
... into her heart, and even made sure to give it a good twist.
If the dying sunset had a voice...
It would sound just like this.