Miseries (before battle)

Okay! And that about wraps up the Middle's Corridor.

Thanks to you folks, we managed to cut the door cataloging workload by 80%! I really appreciate everyone going the extra mile to check each and every door, too. Made my life a whole lot easier.

It's all thanks to the Manager's excellent strategization.

Next up, the Thumb's Corridor. ... But we actually found a lot of intel lying around there, so we just need you to check some of the doors in its basement.

<Intel...?>

The manager expresses interest in the aforementioned "intel."

Ah, that. In the Thumb's Corridor, we came across a bundle of papers detailing the comings and goings of the Thumb's members and the orders they were carrying. Whoever wrote the logs has been diligently keeping them updated - the last entry was written not so long ago.

While the contents of the notes weren't all that interesting, they helped us get an idea of where each door in that Corridor leads to.

... Valencina's shitty scrap papers.

She'd been keeping up with that useless shit this whole time? Hah.

<Useless shit?>

*puff* Remnants of her desperate search for a thread to cling to.

You found one of her "backup ticket" hoards.

I've marked any doors that need work with a drone - there should be about three or four of them. While you guys do that, I've got some leftover work to take care of over here, so...

I've been noticing this throughout our interactions,

but whenever anything irrelevant to his work came up, Alan seemed to have a way of unhearing and maneuvering right past it as though he didn't even register what was said.

Recalling our conversation with Cesara back at P Corp., that deeply uncurious indifference might just be one of the essential personality traits to go on as a corporate employee in the City.

Understood. We will explore the areas past the marked doors and return here.

Thanks a ton. Well, then...

With Alan returning to where the other Wayfarer Company employees were huddled around, we decided to follow the Corridor to the left.

<Hey, there's someone in there. More of the Ring, maybe...?>

Going by their silhouettes, they're unlikely to be members of the Ring.

C'mon, lady. Get outta my way so I can see.

Uh... It's the Detective, some stubbly guy I don't know, and... that annoyingly airy dude.

Sounds like Moses, Gregor, and Hong Lu, respectively...?

The trio's conversation grew clearer the closer I approached them.

You okay, fella? You bumped your head earlier.

Ha ha... Fine as a fiddle! It was just a minor fall.

... This is the third time it's occurred.

We ought to discuss this issue with the manager once this consultation is over.

... I think I'm seeing a bump on the side of Hong Lu's head.

Anyway, you know what to do, right? If, at any moment, you see signs of -

Don't worry, Gregor.

You made it through the explanation and the footage both. You're going to be fine again - I believe in you.

Look at you now. We're right where it happened, but your arm is stable. See?

*puff* Ironically, fear tends to grow most unmitigated when it is distant and unseen.

I understand what you might be worried about, but... I don't see even the earliest portents of it.

So don't hesitate to share the unfiltered thoughts that arise while you're in here.

.......

I know what I saw in the footage, but I'm still having a hard time believing it. Or, I don't know - maybe I'm just avoiding the truth when it's staring me right in the face.

My case is nothing like Don Quixote's. She just needs to keep her shoes on, and it's all good and dandy for her, isn't it? Things don't work out that way... for me.

... Whatever they're talkin' about sounds hella deep, guys.

Ya sure about eavesdropping on him like this?

<Uhm...>

... That geezer's always weirdly cagey about himself. Maybe now's our chance to... learn more about 'im.

He's sharing such an I.S. about himself for once. Why walk away?

Don Quixote gives a nonsensical interpretation of Ryōshū's acronym as Kira rolls her eyes out of exasperation.

Between the bickering Sinners and Kira, however, Outis stands in silence with an inscrutable look on her face. She is listening to the exchange between Moses and Gregor like a woman possessed.

<... Okay. Let's keep listening, then.>

Outis was right. Dammit, she was right all along.

The War isn't over. It never was. And it can't ever be over as long as this... fucking joke of a gift stays attached to my arm.

... Barbed words.

Now, let's revisit a question you couldn't answer while the footage was playing... Hopefully, it's become easier to answer now. You've been using that arm to fight just fine so far. How?

*puff*

... I don't mind fighting hostiles or enemies. I'm... not the kind of person who worries about people trying to kill me.

But killing my comrades, that's - that changes things, doesn't it? I can't even control it. There's nothing I can do to even brace for it. It's... unstoppable. Like... some kind of time bomb counting down to unleash a disease you never know when its symptoms'll set off.

Even Heathcliff, who was always the first to step up when people began to spiral into self-hatred...

... stood in conflicted silence, his lips drawing a hard, straight line.

Besides, Gregor wasn't wrong in that, at present, there wasn't any way to stop his transformation should it occur again.

We've still got a good chunk of the journey left, and eventually, we'll have to -

…….

No matter what lurks in the pasts of us Sinners...

Even if they have killed hundreds, thousands - no, tens of thousands of innocent people? Will you still... embrace them?

... We'll eventually have to confront an even darker, bleaker truth of the War.

Can I really trust Gregor not to crumble under that inevitable pressure?

I see. You're afraid you'll end up hurting us.

Well, that's... At first, I thought I couldn't give a hoot whether or not I accidentally murdered some of you.

It's a bit... saddening to hear that.

You know how it is, Hong Lu. We - the bus team - didn't exactly get off to a rocking good start.

But through our journey, I've begun to think of you all as my comrades. And I was okay with that because...

Because I had too much faith in my own weakness.

When I realized that I'd grown so weak that I couldn't even take down some Backstreets thug with this arm, I was... relieved.

Imagine that. The same arm - my arm. A weapon that stabbed the heart out of countless people during the Smoke War.

I'll be honest, when that Hohenheim fella said that I was an "exception," the thought alone made me hope.

"Exception." A potential to be harmless, weaker than even a noncombatant like Yi Sang. It made me hope for a life that... didn't sound so bad.

We all know how that went though, don't we? Blew up in the worst possible way.

And after all that... I just couldn't bring myself to fight again. Because I no longer know when this fear would eat me up again - because I'm constantly afraid of this damn "gift" manifesting again.

.......

The same fear you've carried all this time.

How did you endure it before?

.......

Badly. Barely. Holding on to the idea that the living's gotta live on, and nothing else.

Hah. This really brings me back years. The memories are so clear that it's like they all happened yesterday.

... *sigh* Best you kick me off the bus before push comes to -

That can't be the answer, Gregor.

You can walk away, but the danger of our journey won't leave with you. Dante and the rest of us will still be facing an endless repeat of peril.

And it's not like leaving the bus will bring peace to your heart.

Our deaths can be reversed should an accident occur... even if it comes at the cost of Dante's suffering. The same can't be said for most people in the City.

.......

*chuckle* Now that's something I never expected to hear from you.

I guess you're right. If we're seeing this through to any kind of end, this would be the place to do so. Not many places in the City have some warmth to them like this one does.

Boy, this consultation thing's pretty embarrassing.

I mean, it's not like I was forced to go through something as traumatizing as yours, Hong Lu.

Truth be told... I'm not some special case. Everyone who participated in that war must've gone through more or less the same experience - Miss Moses, Outis, and even Valencina, that piece of work.

We can't attach a number to our misfortunes as if they're something to be measured.

When I fled from my past, I tried my hardest to avert my eyes from it. But you, Gregor... you're not like me. Every few steps that distanced you from the past, you'd come to a pause to spare a look toward the path you had walked.

All those years I let slip by, all those that slipped you by are dotted with fathoms of suffering that are both ineffable and beyond measure.

*puff* Different experiences, different pain.

Still, if there's one thing common to everyone, it's that trauma leaves aftereffects that linger for a long time.

... What're yours?

I... dislike loud noises and people who talk too much.

They sound too much like the cacophony of the War, like screaming comrades who resented me even as they lay dying - and the wounds they left in my heart bled me dry.

Mmm... But I thought you were fond of Miss Ezra, Miss Moses?

... I've talked too much.

That aside...

Haven't you heard your fill? Might as well come out from that corner you're hiding in.

Aw man, they knew we've been dropping eaves this whole time?

<Uhh... I was actually waiting for just the right time to come out and say a few words, but I couldn't find an appropriate moment to - >

Ah, well... I would've had to share this with Manager Bud or the rest of you fellas sooner or later, so I don't really mind. But...

What's she doing here...?

T.A.

Hmm... Temporary... Ally?

No. Temporary Accompaniment.

Don't be an asshole. I'm working my ass off to help you guys.

Fuhu... Pleased to make your acquaintance.

*puff* You're right on time.

I've been working on a theory, but I don't have all the clues to be absolutely certain. A word from someone in the know may immensely improve my confidence in the theory.

Kira. Do you know which "door" the Thumb's Nursefather was most attached to?

Huh? No. Duh.

... "Duh?" That supposed to be obvious?

Didn't you guys all see her? Ya think I'd just chat up a scary lady like that?

Dude, she was beating the everloving shit out of Lucio every time I saw them together.

Oh yeah, he went down fighting you guys to the end, huh?

*sigh*

Yeah. Said stuff about her generosity and all that and fought 'til he died.

Damn, that's unexpected.

Being real for a sec here, I thought he was totally gonna swap sides.

Really? That lad?

And why is that?

Y'know, the vibes. You guys don't know 'cuz you haven't seen him long without the scary lady always looming over him.

.......

What's up? Gonna stab 'er right in the spine?

...! You...

Look, I think you might be training wrong 'cuz, like, you're not improving as much as you should from all that grind. Lemme show ya what I learned 'bout sword swings from this comic book -

That is not how my master has instructed me.

The Textbook cannot be permitted to have even a single deviation if it means to repay the debt it owes her.

Why're you so obsessed with all that crap anyway? Ya don't even like that old lady.

.......

But... you're not so different from me in that regard, are you?

B-bro, the heck ya talkin' about? I love my papa.

Seriously, I thought things were gonna crash and burn before Yoshihide even came home.

Hah. Suppose "Textbook" and I had that in common.

Hm. If this one doesn't know, let me redirect that question toward you, Sinner Ryōshū.

Hopefully this touches upon one of your more intact memories. Do you know which of these "doors" the Thumb Nursefather showed particular attachment to? Or the door she used most often?

Why ask me?

... Fine. Yes, I do remember. Don't even need Clock's help to piece it back together.

It's that one.

The door with metal pieces dangling from it.

Holy shit, I almost died out there...

Son of a bitch, a fucking fly... Where did those G Corp. fucks even drag those gross pests from?

M-Mom...? Are you okay...?

Do I look okay to you, Ticket?

N-no, not really...

Ha... I'm fine. You know I don't break easy.

You should've been there to see me tear the head off that G Corp. vermin, Ticket.

But Mom, you're... your leg's bleeding a lot...

*tzzt*

Here comes another mission. Boy, they really can't do shit without me, huh? So much for a break.

The fuck is this?

B-bandages... for you...

... Is this kid serious? They've got truckloads of expensive treatments on the ready to patch me up the moment I get back to the fiel - Well, okay. Never mind that.

Hey, this works.

Mom...?

Sit tight and don't start any trouble. I'll teach you some sword techniques once I'm back.

... Must've been her years in the Smoke War.

Yeah. Fighting in the War took a lot out of her and left her perpetually exhausted.

But she marched to every battle with a smile. Stopped drinking. Stopped beating me, too.

Like a blissful idiot who forgot that she was still neck-deep in the inescapable pit called the House of Spiders.

<.......>

Well, the ironic peace didn't last.

Some time after the War ended, someone she called the "Consigliere" of the Thumb visited the House of Spiders as a tutor.

And that's when she went right back to drinking herself into a shit-faced stupor day after day.

The beatings returned, and so did the edge in her profanities.

It was pathetic.

Hold on... Why, though? Sure, I was on the losing side...

... but wasn't Valencina on the winning side? A war hero, at that.

.......

Ever heard of the regulation that prevents Smoke War participants from moving into I Corp. and K Corp. Nests?

.......

The common thread between these post-war rules is that they make the lives of veterans difficult. Dubious rules that don't discriminate between winners and losers.

<I see... There must've been things going on behind the scenes there, too.>

But... doesn't that mean that Backdoor'll drop us into a trench they dug during the War?

Yes, and Gregor will be the one to open it.

Wait, me?

Yes. Others can do it for you, but what would be the point?

... You sure this won't just end up giving him more nightmares? I don't see how this helps him in any way.

We do not have any means to treat whatever it is that slumbers within his arm.

However, I would surmise that the underlying cause of his sudden transformation wasn't the arm itself.

Then... what?

It's trauma. His arm took control after his psyche was crushed by the weight of the unspeakable memories coming back to haunt him.

It's not because the arm went berserk that he started reliving his painful past - it's the other way around. Isn't that so?

If you can come to understand that the War is really over, and that what others say, no matter how closely they echo the past, is not necessarily aimed at you...

... then you may be able to loosen your grip on the fear and anxiety that your arm could metamorphose at any moment.

.......

While her suggestion may seem blunt, it is one of the basic treatment principles of M Corp.'s psychotherapy centers.

*puff* Fine. Then...

... guess I'll open it up.

Gregor walked up to the door, grabbed its handle, then paused - taking slow, deep breaths.

And with one arm, he gently opened the door.

Why are you running? You should be taking the lead on the front lines with our G Corp. banner held high!

I-I don't wanna die!

*chuckle* It's nice to have a place to go back to.

Oh, right. Happy 15th birthday!

But you can't possibly have the cheek to call me cruel.

You G Corp. pests were far more messed up than I ever was! Ripping people apart, cannibalizing them - you were nothing but a swarm of fucked-up monsters!

I thought I'd woken up from the dream,

but I was still...